Memoriam
by Lady of the Phoenix
Summary: Sequel to Victim'eye'zed. Four years have passed since the death of supposed serial killer Nida Nomura and the disappearance of his partner in crime. But even the dead have skeletons in their closets, as Squall shall soon see.
1. Prologue

Author's Notes: And now, at last, the preview into what is the sequel of Victim'eye'zed. This story is Squall's as the last one was Nida's. But don't worry, at some point all of your favorite characters are going to make an appearance, whether it is in flashback or not.

* * *

**Memoriam**

Prologue

What woke him up wasn't one set answer, but a multiple choice question. It could have been the fact that the warmth at his back at gotten up and left the bed. There was a chance that it was that irritating bleeping that came from his alarm clock. Another choice was in the ringing of his cell phone by the bed. Or it could have been the sound of the answering machine in the den coming on.

"_Hey Loire,"_ the machine called out in the most annoying voice he could imagine, sleeping or otherwise, _"I know you're there, so get your damn ass up. It's Seifer. Pick up damnit. … Fine. I'm heading out today. Four years you know. I know you already said it last night but… You sure you don't want to come? … Well, at least call me…"_

The machine clicked and went silent. Yes, that was definitely what awoke him. Slowly Squall rolled from the bed, a hand to his head, an annoyed sound escaping his lips. No, he didn't want to go. Why should he visit the grave of a murderer? What was the point in looking on a stone marking that someone was four years gone? Didn't Seifer think that his parents, that Ellone, hadn't all tried the same thing? It wasn't happening. He'd told himself long ago that he wasn't going to go to see that place, ever. It was a promise to himself that he had no intention of breaking.

So deep was Squall in these thoughts that he actually jumped when the bed sagged a bit as the weight of another body joined him. The hand connected to that body held out a cup of hot coffee, which Squall gladly took into his hands. Ah, the life sustaining liquid. This he could wake up for.

"He's persistent, I'll give him that," the other man said. When Squall only managed a 'mnuf' while looking at his coffee he got a chuckle in response. A hand caught him by the chin and forced him to look up into stunning violet eyes. They weren't actually violet of course, and the contacts used weren't actually needed. But they were beautiful anyway, and you could get lost in them. Squall needed that, and his lover knew it.

"But why is he trying so hard to get you to go wherever it is?"

Squall sighed. He'd been with his man for over two years and he hadn't told him yet. About Nida, about Rei, about everything. All Irvine knew was that Squall's brother-in-law and sister were involved with the investigation into the serial killer that had terrorized New York four years before, the ongoing investigation. Irvine knew that he'd been involved in a relationship that had ended suddenly. That he wasn't what he had been four years before.

"Can we talk?" Squall asked, rather nervous.

And, for the first time in four years, Squall spoke. Really spoke. About everything that had ever mattered to him. About the only thing that had mattered to him. About Nida.


	2. Chapter 1

Author's Notes: Because I'm just so evil. But, luckily, the reader knows something more than Squall here so they aren't as shocked, right?

* * *

Chapter 1

Think of the sun and the sand and the beaches Squall. That was exactly how the other man had put it. It will be fun Squall. That was the ploy. Come on Squall, don't you want to meet my family? The persistence had been annoying. You haven't had a vacation in years Squall. Logic backed up all of the other man's arguments, but Squall refused to see it that way. You need to get away from here Squall, away from the memories and the pain. A part of him wholly agreed with that idea, but refused to admit it. I knew him too Squall. That was where he caved.

For all the persistence and the logic and the worry in the other man, Squall had only abandoned his stubbornness when another person was hinted at. He'd always known Irvine was from the west coast. He had noticed the fact that Irvine had taken his revelation that he'd known Nida a little hard. And the sudden interest in learning about the man Squall had known, had loved, was something he should have noticed. But how was he really to know that Irvine had gone to the same school and Nomura and Yamamoto? That they had been friends…

And so he was here now, lying stretched out on a beach towel under an umbrella. Several yards away was Irvine, playing in the ocean and repeatedly dunking a very unhappy blond over and over in the salt water. While he'd assented to coming to LA, Squall was pretty sure he'd gotten it through to his lover that the beach was out of the question. They were here anyway, and despite his best efforts, Squall couldn't remember how or why. In fact, he wasn't even sure he had packed swim trunks for their week long vacation, but he had them on anyway. There was, of course, nothing he could do about any of this except enjoy it and watch Irvine continue to torment his step-brother.

After a few moments, as if sensing the attention he was now getting, Irvine ran from the water, leaving the tattooed blond behind, and flopped down next to Squall on the beach towel. A voice in the back of his mind told Squall that were this Seifer the older man would have that demonic little smirk, and Nida would just smile softly at him, the way he always had. Irvine was neither Seifer nor Nida, and when he smiled it was a smile full of laughter. At least, as full of laughter as the laid back man ever got. It was all Squall wanted though.

"Did you enjoy trying to drown him?" the brunet asked in an offhand manner, adjusting the sunglasses he wore.

"He's springy. He'll bounce right back," Irvine assured him, still smiling.

Sure enough Zell popped out of the water and came storming towards them. Well, not them as much as Irvine, but the cowboy had deserved it. He'd been teasing and taunting his brother for the whole of their vacation, which was only two days old at this point, but that was still a lot of teasing. Zell did seem like the sort to handle teasing well of course, as long as it was all good natured fun. Good thing Irvine was about as good natured as they came.

When first Squall had laid eyes upon Zell, seen the way the blond had embraced Irvine, he had assumed they had formerly been involved. Cousins he could have accepted, but brothers had caused him much mystery. His mind hadn't leapt to the logical step-brother tag that suited them, but the more he watched the two the more he was sure of it. In appearances they could not be more different. Zell was blond, tan, and amazingly vibrant with a tribal style tattoo reaching up the side of his face. Irvine had auburn hair, fair skin, and was exceedingly long and lean. Zell was hyper-active and constantly talking and he never stopped moving. Irvine was laid back, contemplative, and was always up to just sit around quietly with Squall. And yet, somehow, neither of them found the happy blond irritating.

"See what I mean?" Irvine said as Zell sat down in front of them in the sand. The young businessman grinned, and Squall couldn't help but chuckle. There was sand visible in his TEETH.

"Did you give him a sand-wich?" the historian couldn't help but ask. When Irvine and Zell gave him an odd look he gestured towards the blond's mouth, and Irvine proceeded to crack up.

"I suppose I did…"

Zell began to frantically attempt to scrub the sand from his teeth with the back of his hand, which did little good as the hand too was covered with sand.

"The chicken will figure it out soon enough," Irvine said through the snickers. Then, once he had himself under control he slowly turned to regard Squall. The look far beneath that fake violet was lined with concern.

"So, you doing alright up here all alone?"

The question was really meant to test the waters and Squall knew it. Irvine often concerned himself with how often thoughts would turn to Nida, or at least he did so now that he knew just who Squall was in relation to the man. The concern would most likely die down a bit as they got further away from the anniversary of the death, but then they'd be approaching Nida's birthday, and if Irvine knew that he'd get worried all over again. Times like these Squall almost regretted telling Irvine about the man.

"I'm fine," Squall insisted, keeping his voice firm and calm. No one questioned him when he took that tone.

"You sure?"

Okay, apparently Zell questioned that tone. Then again, Zell questioned a lot of things.

"I'm very sure. But if you continue to question me, you will not be so fine."

The blond just grinned and stood up to brush sand from his rapidly drying body. "So, you two going to come to the club tonight?"

Zell, Squall had learned mere minutes after meeting the man, had come to own a very popular club that was within walking distance of where they now sat. The place was a hotspot for teens and young adults, and Zell had been determined to drag Irvine and Squall along to admire his new found source of income and amusement. Currently Squall was doing his best to decline, but Irvine seemed to want to go more and more every time his brother mentioned it. And Squall couldn't play the 'what would your parents think if I didn't have dinner with them' card because apparently Martine and his wife (Ma Dincht as she insisted upon being called) frequented the place. Squall really couldn't get a handle on that fact because he couldn't, for the life of him, imagine his mother allowing his father to drag them off to some club. Laguna would be all for it, but Raine was the one in charge of the family really.

"I don't know Zell, I wanted to…"

"Of course we'll come," Irvine said, cutting into Squall's attempt at refusing in the politest way possible. "Squall could use a little taste of the real Californian life!"

The brunet just rolled his eyes. This was not going to be fun. At this rate Irvine or Zell was going to suggest going out to buy something for him to wear, and Squall hated buying clothes.

"Well then, we've got to go out and get you something to wear!" Zell insisted, bouncing around on the balls of his feet. A part of Squall, maybe some instinct he had never before listened to in his life, wanted to punch the other man for being so impulsive and proving his thoughts right.

"I don't see why not," Irvine agreed, standing to take down the umbrella. "Squall could use some real clothes after all."

"Hey!" the man in question protested, jumping to his own feet, "I do have real clothes!"

"Dude, you're a _historian_," Zell said, stressing the word, "All you've got is that stuffy nerd stuff."

"It's not nerd stuff!"

"Did you bring even one set of t-shirt and jeans with you?"

"Nope, he didn't," Irvine happily provided. "And don't worry baby, I've got you covered money wise."

Squall sighed and started to fold up the towel. This was going to be a very interesting afternoon. Irvine out with money was bad enough as it was. He was, after all, doing rather well with his psychology practice. Already he had been taken in to work with a leading private practice, who had him handle some of the couples therapy and such. One day the man intended to have his own practice, but for now he was quite happy spending the money he made on Squall rather than saving up for that day. Sometimes, it was good having a wealthy boyfriend. This was not one of those times.

"And, if he behaves, we could totally take him to this great little Japanese café, store place I told you about Irvine."

Instantly Squall perked up. That would be worth the pain of shopping with the brothers. More than worth it.

--------

By the time the trio made it to the place Zell had spoken of it was already getting to be early evening. Irvine's arms were laden with bags, but they were mostly for himself and Zell than really for Squall. The brunet was rather proud that he'd been able to dissuade Irvine from buying him those leather pants that they had insisted he try on, but that hadn't stopped Irvine from buying him more than he wanted. All he had desired was a single pair of pants and a shirt fitting for their night at the club he really didn't want to go to. Was that too much to ask?

Still, upon entering the place, Squall couldn't help but be instantly cheered. To one side it seemed to be a place focused upon the selling of imported Japanese furniture, art, clothing and other odds and ends, while another side was designed like a little tea parlor. There weren't places like this back home, nothing like them. It was beautiful and very simplistic in the complexity. Traditional and modern all in one fell swoop.

"I'm moving in here," Squall announced to the brothers before leaving them behind so that he might inspect a painted screen.

"I heard you were big on Japanese history from Irvine, so when I found this place, I knew I was going to have to show you it someday. It's owned by this really nice couple…"

"Mister Dincht," a voice came from towards the back of the shop. Following it was a tall, dark man, who was as lean as he was long. There was grace in his movements, perhaps enhanced by the rather tighter fitting clothes he wore. The body said twenties, but the eyes suggested older, and Squall couldn't help but stare. Well, he stared until Irvine elbowed him in the ribs.

"It is a pleasure to see you back so soon. And with friends," the man said, coming up to them and bowing his head the slightest bit.

"Yo Kiros. You know I couldn't stay away for long. Have to get that sandalwood carving I was looking at last time. Oh… Yeah… This is my brother Irvine. And this guy is Squall. Hands off of course, he's Irvine's."

The older man smiled softly, "You know I would not do so, Mister Dincht. I have my eyes elsewhere."

To this the blond smiled, "Great. Uh, can we get some tea before we start browsing?"

Kiros nodded and gestured for the group to proceed him into the tea area. "You are quite lucky. I just took out the good green tea for myself."

"Is the boss in today?" Zell asked, sitting down awkwardly at the table. Irvine sat with more grace, used to low tables because of several being present in Squall's home. One of which Irvine didn't know belonged to Nida. Squall sat with a sigh, upset that his mind had wandered to the asian yet again. Maybe it was the atmosphere that did it. The place did, after all, have the asian touch, and almost looked like how Nida had suggested they decorate the apartment were they to ever live together.

"You're in luck. He's due in soon. Had to go pick up a new shipment of those handmade katanas you are so fond of."

"More katanas? _Awesome_!" Zell said, his ever present grin widening.

"I'm sure he'll be happy to know some won't even have a chance to be set out on display. He's been worried about where we are going to put them all, as if they all do not eventually go home with you or him."

Kiros and Zell shared a chuckle there before a sharp whistling cut in and the older man quickly excused himself to a back room to fetch the teapot. While he was gone Zell shifted several times, all while explaining the appearance of the last five swords he had bought. Irvine, of course, did his best to silence the blond, knowing just how much thoughts of such weapons turned the mind of Squall to his former lover. And the blond, oblivious to the attempts, just continued talking.

The older man soon returned with the teapot and the four sat together, enjoying the hot drink as Kiros explained much of the business that his partner had set up. Things would have continued for quite a while were it not for a set of chimes calling out that someone had entered the store. Kiros smiled and stood to meet his partner, and Zell bounced to his feet to help the man with the boxes and the man hidden behind them. Irvine was about to get up and help his brother when Squall's hand alighted upon his knee, stilling him.

In an instant he had come to recognize Kiros's business, and probably bed, partner for who and what he was. It didn't matter that the eyes were emerald green instead of coffee brown. There was nothing taken away by the fact that the man wore a green shirt with a high collar to hide burn marks that just barely peeked over the edge. Even the sheer length of the raven black hair that was used to hide part of the delicate face didn't stop him from knowing. No matter how it was changed he knew that shape, that face, that man too well for any changes to hide him.

Slowly Squall rose from his seat, and with the biggest sound he could manage, which was barely above a whisper, cleared his throat.

The eyes of the store owner instantly moved to where Squall stood, and after a second the brunet could see the shock, the fear, the worry, and the love in that gaze.

"Squall."

His name was barely more than a breath from the other man, and yet his heart raced at the sound. Four years without those eyes on him. Four years without that voice in his ears. Four years without the man he had so loved… Four years that he'd know just what he'd say if he ever saw him again…

"_You bastard_," Squall hissed in Japanese. Kiros and the man flinched back, understanding the insult. Zell and Irvine looked from Squall to the owner and back in shock.

Squall didn't hesitate to flee the place, pushing past Zell and Kiros to get to the door.

He didn't stop running, even when he was utterly lost. He didn't want to be found. He didn't want to go back.

Nida Nomura, the love of his life, his best friend, a serial killer, had been buried in the ground four years and three days ago.

Nida Nomura…

Was alive.


	3. Chapter 2

Author's Notes: HOLY SHIT! I hadn't even noticed how long the author's block had kept me from this story! Let's hope I can fix some of that. And now I've managed to give Nida both Nomura and Tetsuya. Lol.

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Memoriam: Chapter 2

"Squall!" the auburn haired man had shouted as Squall rushed out of the store. It hadn't stopped Squall from running though.

How could it, Nida wondered, considering Squall had just seen a ghost?

"What the hell is going on here?" the man demanded of Nida and Kiros.

"That is what I would like to know, Tetsuya," Kiros agreed, looking pointedly at Nida.

"I do believe I have been mistaken for someone," he said, holding his hands, now freed from their burden, before him. "None the less, it seems I have offended our customers. I beg your forgiveness."

"Fuck that," the auburn haired man snarled, "He's not from here. Squall could easily get lost out there."

"Then we should get extra help looking," Zell said, trying to break the tension from what Nida could tell. "Please, Kiros, would you assist us? It is about closing time anyway."

"Of course."

"And you, Tetsuya?"

Nida nodded. "Before we go, his name was Squall, correct?" Nida asked, as if he hadn't already called the man by his name.

"Yeah, and I'm Irvine. But enough pleasantries, can we find him before he gets hit by a car?"

Nida nodded and bowed slightly to Irvine and Zell. "Then by all means, lead the way. Kiros, would you be so kind as to remain here, deal with the stock, and watch out for him in this immediate area? You know how to reach Zell and myself if it is needed."

While the older man did give Nida an odd look, he did silently agree.

"Then, gentlemen, shall we?"

------

Once he'd gotten himself well and truly lost, or as lost as he intended, Squall flopped down onto a bench, glaring down at the concrete under his feet. Maybe he had overreacted. There was always the chance that someone looked a bit like Nida. After all, the eyes were wrong, the hair, the whole manner about him. He'd never seen Nida in traditional Japanese clothes either. He'd always said they were too loose on him, after being raised in European style clothing.

Then again, there were the burns, and the tone of his voice. Even the reaction Squall had seen for that second in his eyes, when Squall had called him a bastard. The pain, and acceptance all in one second. Yes, that had been Nida, and it hurt to see him alive. More than hurt, it made Squall want to kill him. How dare the bastard be alive, after all of the people he had hurt, after he had hurt Squall.

And then there was Seifer. He knew, Squall was sure of it. After all, Seifer had been the one to bury Nida. How could he not know that the man was still alive? How could he lie to the world about that? When Squall got his hands on Seifer, he was going to throttle him for lying like this.

"His number is third on the speed dial," a voice said as a cell phone was held out in front of Squall.

Squall looked up in shock at the hand, at the arm, at Nida. In a moment he was standing, his fist sore, and Nida on the sidewalk before him, hand on his cheek.

"Is it really that offensive that I suggest you call Seifer when you obviously intend to chew him out?"

"So it is you," Squall snarled. "You bastard..."

"You've already done that one," Nida said, slowly working his way to his feet. "Though with less violence. Your running out really upset everyone."

"_I _upset everyone? Do any of them know you're a _murderer_?"

Nida sighed and turned away, "That man, Irvine, really cares for you. Is he the one Seifer was talking about?"

"Seifer..."

"He was at the cemetery the other day. I went to speak with him."

"Figures."

Now Nida was sitting beside Squall on the bench, and neither of them really said anything. Squall looked again at Nida, and began to notice what he hadn't before. Not only were his eyes another color, but there were small wrinkles developing around his eyes. On top of that, there was a sense of heavy fatigue all about the man, and Squall almost felt pity for his former lover. Almost.

"I didn't mean the things I said."

"Which ones?"

"That I didn't love you. That I was working with him. All of it. I needed you to run, fast and far. It was the only way. If I broke your heart, then I could go, draw him somewhere else and deal with him on my own. There wouldn't be a risk to you any more. One more life left behind because of him. It would have amused Rei to no end."

"And the explosion?"

"A miscalculation," Nida admitted, his fingers going to his neck for just a moment. Like the rest of my life."

Again there was silence, and together the pair watched the sun as it began to set.

"Was that Kinneas? That Irvine?"

Squall nodded. "He went to school with you and Rei."

"I remember him. He liked to play cowboys. Always thought he was a little lady's man, so seeing him with you was a bit shocking."

"What, can't I have a boyfriend with you gone?"

Nida chuckled. "No, I'm just amused it is him. To think he is... Well, I suppose I should have seen it coming, but sometimes this sort of thing is a surprise."

"Like you being able to find me now?" Squall asked, finally getting to one of the things that was bothering him. How could Nida have found him so quickly?

"While Tetsuya does not know you, Nida remembered that you had this odd tendency to run west when you're angry. Good to see that the memories of a ghost weren't completely useless."

"West, huh?"

Nida smiled faintly, just like he used to when Squall would say something mildly amusing, or when he was playing a trick. To be honest, Squall wasn't sure which was true right now, but he hoped for the former. Either way, though, it meant that something of his Nida was still left in this man. And that thought alone made it hard for Squall to keep from leaning in to kiss him. So he didn't try to hold back.

Unfortunately Nida's hand came to rest on his shoulder, holding him back, and the older man shook his head sadly.

"Don't. If you do that, you'll get it in your head that something could be like it was. And nothing can ever be the same. Understand?"

"Nida, I..."

And then Nida was on his feet, waving towards something out of Squall's line of sight. The younger man turned to see Irvine and Zell rushing over in their direction.

"How?"

"I called Zell when I caught sight of you. Now, come and greet your boyfriend. He looks anxious."

No sooner was Squall on his feet, than Irvine had Squall caught up in a tight hug.

"What the fuck was that? Running off like that? You don't know this place, you could have gotten hurt."

"I'm not a kid," Squall grumbled, pushing Irvine away from him.

"Thank you, Tetsuya, for your help," Zell said, panting slightly. "Sorry this all happened."

"It is no problem, of course," Nida said, his voice getting distant and almost formal to the point of being painful for Squall. "I must insist that you return with me though. All of you look as if you could stand to have something relaxing to drink, and I do believe Kiros will be rather cross with me if I allow you to get away without a cup of his favored tea."

"Hey, are you okay?" Irvine asked, looking towards Nida, and Squall winced when he realized the older man was already developing a bruise.

"Quite fine," 'Tetsuya' chuckled, "I accidentally caught our quarry off guard, and received a wonderful reward for it. This will teach me to catch people in such a state in the future. Now, shall we return, before Kiros calls to nag me to death?"

Irvine chuckled nervously, and Zell agreed wholeheartedly. Only Squall was left with a bad feeling as he followed the trio back towards Nida's store, unsure what to do about this whole situation.

------

"What was all of that about?" Kiros asked after the group had left after three whole pots of tea and many cheerful conversations due to Zell.

"What was what about?" Nida asked, carefully cleaning out one of the small, handle-less tea cups that had been used for the drinking.

"You know exactly what I mean," Kiros said, leaning against the counter of the back room, a dish towel held in his hand as if he intended to smack Nida with it. "Why did that Squall kid call you a bastard? And the whole time he was here after _you_ found him, he was a bit tense. So spill it or I knock you on your damn ass, Nida."

Nida chuckled and continued about his task. Leave it to Kiros, normally so diplomatic and polite, to get right to the heart of things when he wanted information he felt privy to.

"He was the one Rei was using against me. He saw me, recognized me easier than I would have expected, and flipped. After all, I _have_ been dead all of this time."

Kiros rolled his eyes and set to drying the cup as Nida set it aside. "Right. More complications to the whole situation. We could really use the old bait around when we're hunting the beast. Except, you know, the complications involved."

"Do not worry," Nida said, becoming totally serious as he set about cleaning the teapot. "Squall doesn't know why I'm here, or what our purpose is. And in three days, Irvine will be returning him to the east coast. After that, we'll set about luring Rei out of hiding. We know he's here. All we've got to do is find him."

"You still sure you want involved in this?"

For a moment Nida hesitated. This was the only time in the three and a half years that they had known each other that Kiros had ever offered him a way to back out of the situation. Of course, the moment passed quickly, and Nida nodded, patting the place just inside the loose folds of his kimono where the now familiar weight of the gun waited.

"More now than I ever was sure in the past."

"Alive or dead?"

"For a man like him?" Nida was honestly surprised that Kiros had to ask after all of this time.

"He is still human, and there is still the court system."

"True on the latter only, and they can't handle something quite like him at full strength. No, I'll go with the same answer now as I did when I sought you out in the first place. Breathing is all he needs to be when we hand him over to the cops. Half-way between alive and dead is probably the best bet. But closer to the latter than the former, considering it didn't slow him down last time."

"Then it's set," Kiros agreed, pushing away from the counter. "You know, with how long this job is taking, it's going to cost you a lot more than the old price."

"To see Rei Yamamoto caught, bloody, and set for death, I don't care what price I have to pay," Nida admitted. "Besides, I'm more than willing to pay for the best. Like I said, I sought you specifically."

Kiros chuckled and reached across Nida's chest to turn off the water, at the same time a mischievous smirk coming to play on his lips.

"Flattery, as you well know, will get you everywhere Nida."

"Tetsuya," Nida corrected.

"Whatever," Kiros said before pulling a more than willing Nida into a kiss.

After all, Nida was more than willing to pay whatever price was asked to be rid of Rei. Didn't hurt that the price was something so pleasant either, even if it wasn't Squall.


	4. Chapter 3

Author's Notes: Written with the help of, and despite frustrations caused by, Pandora radio, as spring break finds me removed from my computer and thus my normal reading music. Can anyone tell that Mercale wrote this late at night and possibly while missing her significant other? Oh well, at the mood suited what I wanted to do right now in the story anyway.

Amazing how the story can get updates when the block is gone and I've been reminded that there should be updates.

* * *

Memoriam: Chapter 3

_He was beautiful. Not that he had ever been otherwise, but seeing him with longer hair, with those clothes, and most importantly, with those well earned burns, was truly beautiful. Already he could imagine running his fingers through the longer hair, laughing at the look of horror and frustration that would no doubt grace those features. _

_ Maybe it was the strength that Nida was now carrying himself with. In the past, he was used to Nida only faking that strength, that composure, all while looking over his shoulders. But now it was really there. And now, more than ever, he wanted to break that spirit, once and for all. This time, though, he wouldn't repeat the last mistake. No giving Nida a chance to find some strength. Hitting fast, hitting hard, that was the real choice. _

_ And this time, no toying with the side kicks._

_ Rei hardly had the time for them._

------

"Do you have any fucking clue what time it is?"

Despite the sheer amount of fatigue in the voice, as if the other man had just been woken up at three in the morning, Squall didn't believe the annoyance on the other end. In fact, despite the fact that it couldn't be seen, he rolled his eyes.

"Here, or there?"

"What? Who is this?"

"Does six in the morning really mean you don't recognize my voice? Great to know you care _so _much, Almasy."

"Squall? What the fuck? Why are you calling this fucking early?"

"Just to fuck with your sleep." Not completely true, but true enough, and said with enough of an edge to imply that he wasn't happy with the detective. Not that he ever really was.

"Well thanks. I just got in an hour ago. I thought I've asked you not to bug me before noon."

"I just got in an hour ago too, so shove it."

"But you weren't dealing with body parts."

True enough. Though he'd had a dead body on his own hands, so to speak.

"No. My encounter with the dead involved a fully intact body."

That seemed to shake the sleep fully from the detective, who, from the sounds on the other line, had fallen out of his bed. There was an annoyed mumble in the background, and Squall almost hit himself for not thinking that maybe his sister would be spending the night with the detective. Not that he approved of the relationship in the slightest, but right now he really didn't need Ellone overhearing the conversation. Squall honestly doubted that anyone other than Seifer knew that Nida wasn't really dead.

Hell, he doubted even the government knew it. Somehow he didn't think Nida was in a witness protection program or something. Not that he was sure, but that didn't feel like what was going on. After all, him being sent back to his home town wasn't very likely.

"What the fuck is that Irvine involved in over there? What happened? I've got some friends out on the west coast these days..."

"Apparently we both do. Mine was the body."

Part of Squall actually wanted to laugh at the silence on the line. He could imagine how the homicide detective was taking this whole thing, not that any of it would be right. Seifer couldn't know Nida was here, after all, or he never would have approved of Squall's travel. Squall wouldn't have listened of course, but Seifer would have been vocal about disapproval, rather than actively encouraging Squall to get out of town for a while.

"Squall, explain this to me, step by step. Who is dead? What happened?"

"It's more of a question of who isn't dead. Or at least I'm mostly sure he isn't dead. Tell me, Seifer, do dead people bruise when you punch them?"\

"What? It depends really. Post mortem bruising is possible very shortly after death, and there is bruising if the body is in a position for a long time, from blood settling. But punching... Not really."

"Interesting. I'll have to tell Nida it is very unlikely that he should get a bruise from the punch then."

Again silence. In fact, silence for long enough that Nida began to think that he might have lost the signal, and was about to check when Seifer spoke up once more.

"Squall, Nida is dead. We buried him, even if you refuse to come to the grave. So either you had a really bad dream, or you really owe someone an apology for mistaking them for a dead man."

"You're speed dial number three on his phone," Squall countered, "not that I think he's ever used it. Not to mention he saw you at the cemetery the other day. So stop fucking acting clueless, Seifer."

There was a sigh from Seifer, and Squall held back the urge to scream into the phone, to demand answers. If he did that, he'd wake up Irvine or Zell upstairs, snug in their beds and completely clueless as to what had taken place today.

"So he went back home. I suppose I should have thought of that years ago. I honestly had no clue where he went after the explosion, despite trying to find him. He was surprisingly good at covering his tracks, considering his past attempts to escape were always so flawed."

"Yeah, well back then he'd still been trying to find a normal life, which is hard enough when you can't have your records follow you."

"I suppose. Listen, Squall, you weren't..."

"Supposed to know. Yeah, I more than figured that out. For my protection. He said so."

"You spoke with him?"

"Of course."

Squall didn't point out the fact that he'd fled first. That sort of thing would only serve as ammo for Seifer, maybe not now, but soon enough. That bastard always found ways to bring the past back to bite Squall, or to ruin the good thing Squall had going. After all, he'd let Squall believe for all of this time that Nida wasn't... No, Squall still couldn't believe the best of Nida, despite the words of the man insisting that it had all been for Squall's sake. All to protect him.

"Stupid bastard shouldn't have fucking let you. Should have faked not knowing you, being really offended. Stupid fuck."

"Just as stupid as you claiming he was dead, for my sake."

"And to keep that bastard Rei off balance."

"He's a fucking serial killer, off balance is par for the course!"

"Granted. But you know what I meant."

"Whatever."

"So, did you only call to yell at me, or what?"

To be honest, he wasn't sure. Yes, there was some pleasure to be had a breaking the secret wide open, or as open as was safe. Sure he didn't mind fucking with Seifer's sleep with how bad this whole thing had been fucking him up for these last few years. But honestly, he didn't know. Yelling did nothing for him. Talking to Seifer would accomplish nothing. In the end Squall would still go back to New York soon, and be forced to hate, no, to pretend to hate Nida, and throw that entire part of his life away.

Maybe all he wanted was reassurance that he didn't need to forgive Nida, that he was the bad guy in all of this. Or for Seifer to swear that he'd come there right now and arrest Nida, no matter how ridiculous that desire was.

No. What he wanted was the last four years back. Four years and a week. He wanted Nida back, on that quiet night where they exchanged presents and Nida promised to call. The last time he had seen the man that he'd been sure was his lover.

"I don't know, Seifer. I just don't know."

------

Carefully Nida slipped out from under the long arm of Kiros, hoping not to wake the man from his well earned sleep. Tonight, he thought as he stood and pulled on a nearby robe, he couldn't rest there and feel safe in the arms of the other man. The safety was as real now as it had ever been, a thin delusion of safety bought through a spoken contact, and to be paid for in ways Nida did not yet know when the contract was completed. The only real reason Kiros had to protect him was because, in the end, Nida owed too high a price for Kiros to risk losing him just yet. And safety was the only illusion Nida could give himself in those arms. Never once did he think there was anything more than a contract and pleasure.

After Rei, he'd never been the sort to delude himself about love.

With the robe wrapped tightly around him, Nida went to sit on the sill of the bay window in the main room of the tiny apartment he shared with Kiros and the extra stock above the shop. While it wasn't cold in the apartment, far from it, Nida was still thankful for the little extra warmth the robe offered him as he looked out on the deceptively quiet view of the city.

Nida had never really liked California. It was a place filled with bad memories. His parents were there less, people hadn't liked him when he first came to the US, and then there had been Rei. Escaping this place had been a focus for a long time, until at last the combination of fear from Rei, and an offer from relatives had taken him to Chicago. And now here he was once more, of his own free will, and Nida still wasn't completely sure why that was.

Part of it was because this was where he had heard Kiros, better known in parts of the underworld as the Shadow Cat, had been hiding. The title had come up more often then any others during Nida's first few months of traveling across the country, seeking a way to be rid of Rei once and for all. It had come up in shady bars, among the men who he went to for IDs and ways to access his money despite being 'dead.' Among those shadow men he'd asked for recommendations for someone to help with his sort of problem, though never being exact, and eventually rumors had led him home.

California had not been the same, Nida learned soon after arriving. The place felt colder somehow, foreign in ways Nida could never understand. He'd hoped to find the cliché-ly named Shadow Cat as soon as possible and get out. When members of the local less than reputable population had led Nida to the man, he'd thought that he'd been fooled. Kiros had been teaching at a small dojo, seemingly barely scrapping by, and seeming too dignified for the sort of work that Nida wanted done. For a week Nida had watched, growing more and more sure that he'd been led wrong, before he'd found himself face to face with the man one day while leaving his hotel room. Kiros had, apparently, been standing outside waiting.

"Negative three on stalking. Nine on patience," the man had said, leaning casually against the wall opposite Nida's door. "But smart enough to cover your tracks well enough getting here. If I didn't have regular feelers out, I wouldn't have noticed you were looking for me until you chose to start following me. Of course, had I not known you'd be in town eventually, I might have had you arrested for the stalking bit."

Three cups of coffee and one really good coffee cake later, the deal was sealed, so to speak, and Kiros was demanding every detail Nida could provide about Rei, the case history, and anything else that could be useful for Kiros. A week later had found Kiros suggesting, to Nida's worry, a long term operation, price to be determined later, and for the whole thing to be centered here. To take out Rei, Kiros said, they would have to play the long game. Rei would know Nida wasn't dead, and he'd search. They'd quickly cover up everything they could through Kiros's contacts, and slowly lure Rei with false information, keeping him moving slowly, but still too much, over the country to let him get comfortable enough to get into too much of a routine.

So far as Nida could tell, it had worked. There were no more deaths by the old ways, but Kiros said that Rei was the sort to change. Still, Nida could hope that the constantly winding trail they had laid would have spared some people while Kiros did everything he could to prepare things to perfection for when they would make the move. And all the while the price had been rising.

That wouldn't have been so bad, really, if it hadn't been for today, if he hadn't seen Squall.

Nida sighed and ran his fingertips over the burned skin, following the burns as far as he could down the back of his neck. He'd been lucky really, to actually escape with his life, and to be in such good shape really. Seifer's group had gotten there quickly after the blast. Not quick enough to get Rei, but fast enough to free Nida from the fallen and burning beam with only second degree burns. Fast enough that he'd only needed a few weeks in the hospital to stabilize before he convinced Seifer that if he was going to let Nida go, that it had to be soon. Three weeks, still unhealed, Nida had been 'moved' for witness protection, and started his cross country jaunts, stopping in often with less than legal 'doctors' to deal with the burns on top of everything else.

And now all of that sacrifice, all of the pain, seemed distant, like a fever dream. All it had taken was a single moment to look at Squall, those few seconds needed to say, in person, that what he had done had a purpose.

"But shouldn't seeing him strengthen my resolve?"

It was a pointless question, asked of an empty room. He knew the answer already, and it was a resounding and shocking no. All that seeing Squall did was make him want to hold the younger man, to kiss him and apologize for everything. For Rei, for the lies, for the pain he was sure he caused, both way back then and right now.

Nida pulled the robe closer, shivering into the thin layer between him and the sill, and moved to lean his head against the cool glass. Squall hadn't looked good at all. Physically he didn't seem worse for the years, but there was something in the attitude that hurt. The coldness in the eyes, the stiffness in his stance, and the distance that Squall seemed to keep, even from his new boyfriend, were, in Nida's eyes, uncharacteristic of the younger man. The man Nida had known had always been so alive, so content. Now he seemed bitter. Part of it had to be from Nida's presence, from the lies, but it still hurt to see.

If there was one thing today had shown Nida, though, it was that he couldn't go back. He'd known the price the second he'd set out for the warehouse that night, or at least what the price would be for failure. And fail he had.

He'd have to live with it though. With that and all of the prices.

"Come back to bed."

Nida would have jumped if he hadn't grown used to Kiros sneaking up on him over the years. Amazing how three plus years could make you used to anything, even a contract killer.

"You look cold there, so come back to bed."

"Cold?" Nida resisted the urge to chuckle. "I look cold, in the middle of summer in LA? You're kidding, right?"

Kiros shook his head and moved to stand by Nida, holding out a hand to help him from the sill. "You always look cold here. Odd when New York is far colder than this."

Now Nida couldn't help but chuckle, though it was a little bitter. "I suppose it really depended where in New York you were."

"It always does," Kiros agreed. "Now come back to bed. Let's see if there at least you can find some warmth."

"I don't think I'll ever understand you Kiros, much less why you are so kind to me when I owe you so much."

"I work in mysterious ways," the man teased, leading Nida back towards the bedroom.

------

Irvine sighed as he stood for a moment, looking down at his lover curled up on Zell's couch, his head just barely perched on a small pillow, and his arm trailing over edge, barely touching the floor by his cellphone. The man picked up the phone, placed it on the coffee table, and went to a hall closet to get a thin sheet to throw over Squall. No matter the temperature, Irvine had found, Squall preferred something draped over him when he slept, as if whatever cloth there was acted as a weight to hold him in bed. So, as he always did when he found Squall passed out somewhere odd, Irvine gently lowered the sheet onto Squall and carefully worked the pillow a bit further under his head.

With a small smile, and a yawn to remind him just how tired he'd been when he'd woken to find his lover missing, Irvine retreated towards the guest room Zell was putting them up in. He'd tease Squall for the disappearance in the morning rather than steal his sleep now.


	5. Chapter 4

Author's Notes: Another chapter because spring break makes me productive. I think my next bit of free time will be sent towards typing up the chapter of Hyne's War that drove me to the break I took on it in the first place. After that, though, I think I'll come back to this when I have time. I want to finish this one while my mind is still in the place where I can figure out where this is going.

* * *

Memoriam: Chapter 4

"Remember that while this weapon is for display purposes only, there is still enough of an edge for them to be a risk if they are used. Please keep it out of the easy reach of children. And have a good day."

The young man nodded, holding the carefully wrapped bundle close as he took back his credit card. Kids these days hardly listened to him, but what else could you expect? More than a small part of the sort of the young men that came to the store these days were either oddly obsessed with Japanese culture, weapons, or just wanted to look cool. Almost a shame that they were a corner-stone of the business. Nida couldn't help the slight smile that came with the realization that soon enough they might have to search elsewhere for a way to show off to girls. After all, there would be no more need to maintain the shop if everything went well, and if everything went poorly, then there wouldn't be a need for this place either.

When the bell on the door rang, Nida looked up to give one last farewell to the customer, only to find it was an entrance rather than an exit that brought the sound. Not that the young man didn't take the chance to slip out offered by Squall holding the door open.

"Good afternoon. I must warn you, sir, that any violence within this shop will result in me being forced to contact the police."

Squall rolled his eyes, something like the word 'whatever' on his lips, but only half escaping from what Nida could see. It was the sort of attitude that reminded Nida that this wasn't the same person he had fallen in love with, and that Nida himself had caused the change.

"No violence. Just looking for a gift."

That sparked a bit of interest, though mostly one fueled by a jealousy that Nida was sure he wasn't supposed to allow himself anymore. If what little memory he had of Irvine served, the many wouldn't like the sort of things in this store, and Nida wasn't sure he could quite handle the idea of Squall giving that one the sort of gifts he would have once given Nida.

"Might I offer my assistance? I've been told I am more than adept at gift selection."

"Sorry, but the person is rather picky, and hard to shop for if you don't know them."

It was just civil enough, just distant enough, in tone that Nida understood what was going on. He was Tetsuya now, probably forever. No connections to the dead. It hurt to have Squall act like this, but probably for the best. And, if Squall could act as if they didn't have any relationship beyond customer and store owner, then Nida could act like that too.

"Of course. But if you need anything, do not hesitate to call me. I would offer the assistance of my partner, but he is currently out to lunch with one of our main suppliers, and is not available."

And with that, Nida returned his attention to the business there was to be had behind the counter, knowing that Squall, for one, was hardly likely to shoplift, and thus didn't need the normal scrutiny given to other, non-regular customers.

------

He'd left Irvine with Zell in a book store a few doors down, knowing that the place would give him plenty of time free of them to return to this place. The excuse Squall had come up with had been buying a few small gifts for his family, and something for Zell to thank him come the end of the visit for putting them up. There had even been the hint that Irvine might be getting something as well, which meant Squall would have plenty of freedom, from the two of them at least.

For some reason, Squall had thought that his luck would find Nida not present, and he could actually do the quiet shopping he had claimed had been the motivation for coming here. Not surprising that the world had decided to be against him again, especially since he was sure that he had wanted to see Nida just one more time. And one more time was all he intended. After today he wanted to be able to walk away, to go back to Irvine and not look back on the worst part of his life.

Which meant he'd have to actually talk to Nida, if only as Tetsuya. Squall needed to show himself that whatever he had gotten from Nida back then couldn't be had now, as much as his irrational mind wanted it.

Squall took a deep breath, then called out towards the counter, not turning his head from the display of tea sets, as if fully engrossed in the patterns on the little cups. "Do you think these would make a good gift?"

It was hard not to laugh when he heard the clatter of something, maybe a spilled pen cup, from the direction of the counter. Apparently Nida had not expected Squall to say anything. Well, that made it easier. Obviously Nida couldn't read him as well anymore.

"What? Oh, umm... Those..."

And before Squall could blink, Nida was at his elbow, looking at the display as well. "It truly depends upon who you are buying for. These tea sets work better for those who prefer to take their tea in the style, which means smaller proportions than most Americans favor. Those Westerners who favor the delicate style tea sets you find in the European areas are not the best to consider when faced with this sort of tea set."

Squall shuffled a half of a step away, and nodded. At least he had taken the time to give a thoughtful explanation rather than pointing out that Squall's family wasn't big on tea. So here the line was drawn between their shared past and the lives they were living. Nida was saying 'this far, no further,' and Squall was thankful for that. Now he knew where he stood.

"Besides," Tetsuya said, lifting a lacquered box from a nearby shelf and presenting it for Squall's attention, "if you as shopping for a lady, this is better suited."

The box proved to be, upon opening, a velvet lined jewelry box, probably made of cherry, stained deep red, and with a pagoda scene in red depicted upon the wood. It was perfect for Ellone, who complained lately of not having a good jewelry box and was beginning to prod a their mother to pass the one that had belonged to their grandmother to come into her possession. It was an ideal choice for Ellone.

It was a choice Nida would have helped Squall make.

"Who said I was shopping for a lady? I must get something for Zell, as well as Irvine, for inviting me out here. My father also insisted on a souvenir."

"Laguna is too clumsy for a tea set, Zell has four, and Irvine..."

Squall's attention snapped from the box to Tetsuya, Nida, when he caught those words, so quiet that they were barely within his hearing. There went all the illusions of distance from the past, even if it was a good point that his father couldn't be trusted with something fragile.

"And you presume to know everything about me or other people you _don't_ know? I'm almost shocked that you get any business at all with that sort of attitude."

Slowly, carefully, Nida put the box aside. The action was so deliberate, so delicate, that Squall was caught off guard, so used to seeing that kind of behavior directed towards Nida's old weapon collection, and not silly little boxes.

"Leave."

------

Squall stood there, mouth agape, looking like a fish when it mistakenly leaps out of the water. His lips moved a bit, but nothing came of it. It would have been funny once, but not now.

"It seems that you have some trouble understanding me, _sir_. I have asked you to leave."

"You... you can't do that. I'm a paying customer!"

The protest was feeble, and they both knew it was hardly going to help Squall's case. Not only was Squall not a paying customer, but Nida was well within his rights to refuse service to anyone, provided he wasn't being discriminatory at the same time. There was nothing Squall could do to even plead that case, much less win it.

"I would ask that you quickly and quietly remove yourself, sir, delay result in you making a scene upon the entrance of actual customers."

"Dammit Nida, you can't..."

Squall's hand closed around Nida's wrist as he started to speak, and Nida shook off the grip easily, turning to glare at his former lover.

"I _can't_? You expect me to stand here and play with you? Expect me to wait as you taunt me with your presence, your new boyfriend, and get offended if I even imply I know you? Then you _dare_ to use that name when I refuse you play your game? Well guess what, Squall, I'm not going to play. Get out."

The bell on the store door rang again, and the pair looked quickly towards the sound, Nida quickly pulling himself together. He did, after all, have a reputation to maintain, even if Squall wanted to act as if he didn't have a life here. Of course, the look they got from Kiros as he stood in the doorway, one eyebrow raised as he folded his arms across his chest was more than enough to cause Nida to flinch back.

There wasn't a worse person who could have entered the store at the moment, save maybe Rei or Seifer.

"Is there a problem here?"

"No," Nida quickly said, turning to return to the counter. "No problem at all, Kiros. This young man was just leaving. He wasn't satisfied with our goods."

"I see... And you're not just kicking him out, are you, Nida?"

Nida couldn't help but flinch at the use of his name, something Kiros had to have done purposefully. Kiros wasn't the sort to slip up like that in front of people.

"He knows who you are?"

"Of course I do. He is my business partner after all," Kiros responded, ignoring the demand in Squall's voice to join Nida at the counter. "If it is that, then I won't force him to leave. You have to face the past to move on, after all."

"Please stay out of this Kiros. It doesn't involve you," Nida pointed out.

"Doesn't involve me? This little one is the reason you're here, the reason you have those impressive burns, the reason for what you're gonna owe me, so I'll say it involves me. Now act your age and talk to the boy. That is why he is here, I assume."

"I just wanted to buy some gifts for family," Squall mumbled. It was obviously a lie by this point, but Nida didn't call him on it.

"Nida, I'll take over here. You take this young man upstairs and prepare some tea. Talk. And get your damn head on straight. Last thing I need right now is for you get flighty."

"And if I don't want tea or to talk?" Squall asked as he approached Kiros and Nida at the counter.

"He's not giving us a choice," Nida said with a sigh, turning to lead Squall behind the counter, knowing that in the end, Kiros would get his way.

That was, after all, what he needed Kiros to do.

So, soon enough Nida found himself handing a cup of green tea to Squall who was seated at a low table in the small living area of the upstairs apartment, and Nida moved to perch on his usual window sill. Neither of them has said anything since coming upstairs, but Nida wasn't shocked about that. What did you say to someone at a time like this? Everything he could think to say he'd done yesterday, and he couldn't bear sharing the rest. And Squall, well, it was obvious he wasn't here to do much in the way of civil talking, from how he had behaved.

"I'm sorry I didn't attend your funeral," Squall said at last.

It was such a ridiculous thing to say, so out of place with Nida obviously here and watching Squall, that Nida could do little more than laugh. After how he'd been treated, after all the right that Squall had to yell at him or punch him again, or even the right that Nida had to punch Squall for his own behavior, this was what Squall apologized for?

"What's so funny?" Squall demanded, a horrified look upon his face.

"I'm sorry," Nida gasped out between chuckles. "It's just... You apologizing... Hell, I missed it too."

"Oh, right. Seifer told me it was... appropriate. Not that I'm quite sure what he meant by that. For all I know, he might have set up a conga-line on your grave."

"He might have," Nida agreed. "I don't think he liked me very much."

"Seifer doesn't like many people very much. You've heard most of my stories about him..."

"Yeah, and I was also the one that had to deal with his less than creative interrogation techniques. Give him a whip and some leather, and I swear that man could be a poster boy for S&M lifestyles."

"I'll be sure to warn Ellone about that."

"Ellone?"

"Yeah. They've gotten engaged. Half a year now. I'll be surprised if they ever get around to the wedding though."

"Congratulate him for me when the day comes."

"You could do it yourself."

And there it was, everything Nida had expected this conversation to get to. Squall asking, in his own way, for Nida to come back.

"No, I can't. And I think you know that. So if that is the only thing you are here to ask, then spare me."

"Why would I want you to come back?"

Nida sighed and turned his attention to the view from the window. It hurt to have Squall say that. To be honest, he hadn't been expecting it at all. Yes, he was sure Squall didn't feel the same way anymore, but he had thought that maybe, at least for the sake of the friendship they had once shared, Squall would want him involved in his life somehow. Foolish really.

"You lied to me, you betrayed me, and you ran rather than letting people help you like you should have. You're a coward and hardly worth any of the attention I ever gave you. So, really, it was foolish to even think I'd want you to come back. And yet..."

Nida flinched as he felt Squall's hand descend upon his shoulder.

"And yet, I do. It's stupid. It's fucking stupid and unfair and I want to punch you for it, but that is the way it is."

"Squall?" Nida asked, turning to look at the younger man.

"Come back someday. Do what you have to do, and then come back, okay?"

"Squall, you know..."

He was cut off as Squall kissed him, for just the briefest moment. Then Squall pulled away and moved towards the stairs that would lead back into the store.

"I know. Wishful thinking."

And then Nida was alone with his thoughts, his fingers pressed lightly to his lips.


End file.
